Understanding Fear

Fear

Today I realized that fear masks your growth and achievements.

Fear makes us live in survival mode.

Fear says, “If you don’t do this or achieve this, you are doomed.”

For me, fear made me study — because if I didn’t study, I would be married to some unknown guy and live a life like my mom.

For me, fear kept me safe outside the house — because if I didn’t go outside, I would be stuck at home, being a victim of domestic violence.

For me, fear made me constantly think about my next move — because if I didn’t have a plan, I would be asked to quit.

Science says fear makes us live in the fight-or-flight response. When people don’t know how to flee, when they don’t have that option, they can only fight. And by “option,” I mean having someone to go back to, someone who will hold you. When there is no one, it becomes fight — and for many people, it is fight again and again. There is no choice.

Once my ex-boyfriend said, “When you can choose the easier option, why do you want to take the hard road?”

For me, there was no flight option.

Again, fear takes over. It makes you take the hard way, work harder, go through pain — and eventually, you achieve.

So should I envy those people who have that option?

Or should those people envy the ones who have no option but to move forward?

Science also says that when fear raises our heartbeat repeatedly, it gives us a sense of high — almost a euphoria. There is a dopamine release that can make you addicted to choosing fight over flight.

But there is a contradiction.

Fear will not help you achieve anything qualitatively or completely.

Research says you can truly fight only when you know a flight system exists — when you know there is nothing to lose if you fail. When your brain is not threatening you constantly, you perform at your best level.

I got rejected through foreign doors many times. But when I finally said, “If not this time, I will get married and stop striving for this,” surprisingly, it happened.

I failed the NCLEX-RN exam twice. I was deeply depressed and constantly wanted to fight it and win. But I couldn’t. When I decided there was no possible way to work two jobs, take care of a dog, and support three other people emotionally and financially — when I decided I would attempt it only when I had PR, time, and the ability to take a break — by that time, I had already booked my exam. I just had to show up and attempt it.

And I succeeded.

These are just a couple of moments when my brain was in both fight and flight at the same time.

So why is fear good for us?

We make decisions based on past experiences and rationalize our future thoughts. Fear pushes us. It sharpens us.

But I am not a fan of fear — even if it makes me achieve things and dream big.

I have heard almost everyone says, “Fear of God.”

I doubt it. I think fear has been preached to us more than it has been understood.

People who excel in the fight mechanism achieve big things. They keep trying. They don’t quit.

So is fear actually good?

Or is it bad?