What is wrong with Intimacy today?
I ask myself this question every time I feel lonely and download a dating app.
Even if it’s just for a moment, it makes me feel better — like a small pause from the silence.
I understand why people are scared of relationships these days.
Because I am too.
Everyone seems to be walking around with invisible warning labels — red flags everywhere. Either people are red flags, or they believe everyone else is. Most of us are just laying low, protecting ourselves, trying not to get hurt again.
I’m doing that work too.
Trying to turn my own red flags into green ones.
But sometimes, I don’t want to work on myself.
Sometimes, I just want to be held.
To be touched.
To be kissed.
Just sex doesn’t cut it for me anymore.
Fear, Distance, and the Disappearing Idea of Intimacy
What worries me more than loneliness is this:
What is wrong with intimacy today?
This generation knows desire — because horniness is natural and inevitable. You want someone for a few minutes, maybe an hour, and that part is easy. But intimacy? That seems complicated now. Almost threatening.
What surprised me the most is learning that some men don’t want to kiss.
Apparently, kissing isn’t “normal” anymore.
You only kiss someone if you’re really into them.
According to Dr. Miriam Stoppard, kissing has long been understood as one of the first steps toward intimacy — a way of connecting before anything else happens (“Why No Kissing?” – Saga Magazine). And yet, today, it seems entirely possible to finish without ever kissing the person you’re with.
How did we get here?
I genuinely wonder how anyone gets aroused without kissing.
To me, it feels essential — not optional.
When Kissing Becomes Optional — Even in Long-Term Relationships
What unsettles me even more is that this isn’t limited to casual dating.
This absence of kissing is becoming common even in long-term relationships and marriages.
MEL Magazine describes kissing as something similar to “sniffing” — a way to assess chemistry at the beginning. Once couples settle down, have children, and build routines, the need to “sniff” disappears. The implication is simple: why keep kissing someone you’ve already chosen?
That idea terrifies me.
I cannot imagine a relationship where I don’t kiss my partner on the lips. The thought of love without that kind of closeness feels empty, mechanical, almost transactional.
Situationships, Casualness, and Emotional Retreat
Dating today feels daunting.
Who is actually looking for a serious relationship anymore?
Who wants partnership?
I met people from different ages-
A 23-year-old is looking for a situationship.
A 27-year-old doesn’t want to kiss.
A 35-year-old wants something casual.
Everyone seems to want freedom — but freedom from what? Responsibility? Vulnerability? Attachment?
Is there anything left that a person can rely on?
We hear constantly that marriage is outdated, that commitment is restrictive, that love should be light and effortless. But if marriage is outdated — does love disappear with it?
Or did we just stop believing in effort?
Migration, Freedom, and the Cost of Choice
I moved countries, and with one flight ticket, the dating world changed completely.
I came here for freedom — and I still believe in that.
Freedom to choose.
Freedom to leave.
Freedom to live on my own terms.
But lately, I wonder: what is that freedom costing me?
Is freedom slowly replacing intimacy?
Is independence making us emotionally unavailable?
Are we confusing self-protection with self-isolation?
I don’t have answers.
But I know this — wanting intimacy does not make someone old-fashioned. Wanting to be kissed does not make someone needy. Wanting connection does not mean you are weak.
Maybe what’s wrong with dating culture today isn’t sex, or apps, or freedom.
Maybe it’s that we’re forgetting how to be close — without fear.
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